The Vet

Yesterday, Boomer and I had an appointment with our new vet so we could get a refill for his prescription to Xanax. Don't think I haven't considered taking one for myself over the years, but really they're for his storm anxiety. For a long time I wasn't into drugging my dog even though he literally freaked out every time it rained. But I finally drew the line when I woke up at 3am one morning during a storm with him sitting on my head. Good morning, sunshine. So we've been pill-popping ever since and we've finally drained our supply.

I even brought the old prescription bottle in my hopes to make the visit as routine as possible.

I can hear you laughing.

We did all the normal checks: weight, teeth, thermometer in the bum and they left us alone in the exam room for a "few minutes". Enough time to play with Boomer, text Joe and grow my bangs out. I really thought they had forgotten about us when I stood up and noticed the poster on the wall. If anyone from Indian Hills Vet is reading this, I want you to know I'm on to you. An entire poster about ringworm, hookworm and tapeworm with real. live. pictures, y'all.

If you ever need a reason to lose your appetite, please Google "ringworm in the human eye" and you'll never eat again. And that's a promise.

As if on cue, the vet came back in. I asked her to check if Boomer was up-to-date on all of his shots, given the propaganda on the wall. Fine marketing scheme.

We were up to date, but I like to take extra measures when it means preventing your organs from WORMS. BIG LONG WORMS.

Ya'll I signed us up for every vaccine and treatment in a five mile radius. Three more shots, a full blood workup and we even have to collect a stool sample at home this week for testing.

Best $250 I ever spent.

Oh yeah, and we got the Xanax.

I had forgotten all about the vet (that's called repressing a memory) and later that night Joe and I went to Pei Wei for dinner. I started telling him about my day and then remembered the vet. And THE WORMS. BIG LONG WORMS. Joe started acting shifty and he looked down at my plate. And then I remembered I had ordered this for dinner.


And I wish I were kidding.